The flesh, highly susceptible to
pinches and rending, serves as a questionable barrier, at best. A gauzy
afterthought that belongs really in glass cases at the museum rather than out
here among the brambles and the strangers carrying sharpened sticks. The
question becomes not so much what is the flesh a barrier against -- that much
is obvious if you have eyes and an imagination dulled but not extinguished,
still capable of visualizing fractions and fractions of fractions and invertebrates
going about their usual business in the leaf litter and the eaves of old houses.
Rather, one should be wondering about what’s inside, what exactly needs to be
protected, whether it is something kin to the flesh that protects it or
something altogether separate, which is the opinion of most everyone since Malebranche, and even before if we are being honest with ourselves. Certainly you
can, after separating the one from the other, try to fuse them back together
again, but it won’t stick. Habit serves something more fundamental than itself.
It is that which anchors us in place, keeps us from floating away on a river of
incomprehensible objects, two hundred million million of them bunched up in
places like fallen trees trunks in a gorge and torrent, and isolated in others,
so far removed from the others of their kind as to seem mere decoration or
hallucination, something dropped into the void so as to rob the void of its
haughty demeanor. I thank the heavens for their interference in these matters,
for their stubborn insistence that you can’t take the soil you stand on too
seriously or else you will be swallowed up, both literally and in contemplation,
which is a terrible fate, believe me. It is like borrowing fifty dollars from
someone you have to see everyday or every other day from that point forward and
there is no escaping the humiliation, the need to lower one’s eyes to the floor
whenever this other person happens by. Whenever she comes up the stairs, say,
at the same time you have chosen to go down. Sometimes, that stairway is too narrow
for the both of you to fit. You know you will have to step aside, to make way
or else bump into her with your shoulder, and that option is suddenly out of
the question simply because of the debt, because of this strange artificial way
we have of placing inordinate value on certain minerals in the ground, or even
just digital figures bouncing around in space. All future physical contact between
the two of you must now be relegated to that same indefinable space, that same
theoretical other world where nothing gets done, where nothing happens except
for very real zeroes piling up (in your name) like tires in the brush beside a stagnating
lake.
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