Sunlight pours
into one corner of the room through an aperture where, at some point, there
must have been a window, or the equivalent of a window, but where now birds
make their nests and enormous blue spiders patrol when the birds are not
present. In the other corner lies Immanuel, mostly bones now, huddled up in a
blanket and narrating adventures that no one will ever be able to decipher,
though Eulalie has spent hours and days taking down his babbling in shorthand,
and then trying to coax out and unravel any thread of coherence afterward when
he has lost all consciousness again and grows silent. For my part, I understand
the urge, sympathize with it more than I let on and gather bits and pieces of
what I’ve heard to keep me occupied later. To serve as a kind of seed, I
suppose, as a means of getting started. We listen to the utterance of others
with barely concealed disdain, speak to them as if they had never yet said a
word to anyone, and when similar treatment is given us we have the nerve to act
mortified! We say the sky is falling in. Or we imply it by the way we look at
the sky, the way we arch our necks backward and point our chins in the general
direction we’d like those we are standing before to look. Another possibility,
something else to be communicated in that moment because something must be
communicated, is that the floodwaters are on the move and they will swallow us
up within the hour, but the pantomime necessary to convey such information is
so complicated, is rife with undulations of both hands, fingers together, and a
strange cackling sound originating in the back of the throat, we give up before
we have even started. Eulalie says this would be a bad thing, catastrophic
even, if what we had predicted indeed came true. But nothing comes true.
Everything lingers in the background, half-formed and poorly realized, just so
many abstract patterns sketched with the non-primary hand. The one you hold at
your side mostly when the other one is accomplishing what needs to get
accomplished. Brushing the hair. Saluting those who you imagine outrank you on
a scale of your own devising. That they are not familiar with this scale, that they
can’t even conceive of someone’s inventing a scale when one is not necessary,
goes without saying, though once you do say it, everyone looks at you as if you
were in the habit of walking octopi on a leash. There can be little doubt that
this scale and the lack of knowledge by others of its existence is responsible
for the bewildered reactions on the part of those who have been saluted. Best
just to explain yourself later, in the bathroom mirror, when no one is looking.
When you have gone there by yourself and left the conversation at the bar
behind, and the songs in the speakers overhead -- made louder now by the new
proximity of these overhead speakers and the sudden diminishment of the sounds
of the conversation at the bar created by the swinging shut of the bathroom
door behind you -- are reminiscent of a time and place you’ve read about
previously, and most certainly seen in the movies or on tv, but which for all
that remains as alien to you finally as does the inside of someone else’s
luggage.
No comments:
Post a Comment