Blood surrounds itself, leaves space
between approximate rings for the imagination to fill, to populate with
something other than simple dirt, the yellow sands that make up this part of
the map. Funny, how we are always looking to connect one thing to another, to
enlist them all in families and genera we have yet to create names for just as
we have yet to determine why the old names, the original names, were not good
enough. And who rejected them without showing his face? Was he attempting to
conceal lips that were too thin, or draw
out some part of the self that lurks beneath the surface the way black and
white striped freshwater stingrays are said to lurk beneath the waves when you
are canoeing in Paraguay? Samson couldn’t be bothered with the birds when he
was younger, couldn’t be bothered with anything that wasn’t somehow connected
to the prose romances of Gautier, a cheap edition of whose works he stumbled on
young and stole from the library of a family acquaintance, a woman who would
later jump to her death from the rim of the gorge because she had become
convinced there was no gorge, that what you saw in the daytime – the buzzards
aloft on thermals, the air quavering like the voice when the body attached to
it has been pummeled physically, or even just emotionally by the pictures on a cinema
screen, say, not isolated, alone and bounded solely by themselves, of course,
but as a whole, the coming together of those phantasms in such a way as to
suggest they are real and interconnected, they are telling us something we
don’t already know – what you saw in the daytime went away at night. Simply
altered its appearance, or disappeared. Morphed chemically and enormously in the coming
of the moon. We can attempt to prove any number of suppositions we don’t in fact
believe to be true, but once they are proven, once we are successful in
demonstrating what we set out to demonstrate in spite of our own superior
instincts, in spite of our reluctance to wager the detached greenhouse out back
with its broken windows and its contents turned now a dispiriting brown, how
are we expected to continue? Whose version of events (written out longhand on
note cards) are we to take with us when we go on vacation or when we lay ourselves
down, however reluctantly, in the grave? One begins to wonder if there isn’t
something to be found in Gautier – all those words, all those gypsies setting
fire to things and the interminable visits to the opera – that requires an
eventual interest in chickens. No, more than that. An obsession. For there can be
no question whatsoever it is Sampson come down again from the foothills where
he has hidden away like a troll in his caves the better part of five years now,
ever since he split the flesh at the side of my face with his hammer. And he
leaves again come morning, gore and feathers about his mouth, the shambling
form mute and alone and enormous, like something out of the Aegean past set
down here by the highway where it straightens out and sinks down, where the sun
sees itself multiplied two and three times in the windows of the dry cleaner
and that place where the handwritten sign out front every single day, ice and
bitter flood included, promises live bait.
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