The thermometer reads three
degrees lower than all the other thermometers in the area and reminds me that
what I take to be objective truth is really just a handful of statements I fashion
inside my head when the light on the patio has burned out and shapes
consequently appear to move in the darkness like cunning beasts or Myrmidons.
Like fairy tale creatures risen from the mud and bent on destruction or at
least the snarling of downtown traffic. We routinely broadcast to the other
side of the street and the other side of the world our deepest insecurities
without realizing it – our beliefs in the redemptive power of failure and dark
ale, our tedious recitations of the names of those who have influenced us in some
way, whether by angling for exotic species beneath the waves or exploring the
limits of despair in treatises with titles four lines long and heavy with Latinate
constructions. Eulalie sends away for the x-ray glasses advertised in the back
of a magazine long since out of print but still sitting on the shelf of a place
we find by the canal, a shop that also carries fossil trilobites in plastic
boxes and umbrellas with the images of starlets on them, though some of these
look as if they were famous only in Yugoslavia, say, where they may have
started on the stage and moved to the silent pictures shot in that country on
cameras as big as ostriches. Second-rate contraptions that produced grainy
images and slowed them down so that even a waterfall seemed to be changing its
mind halfway through its descent and the lips on a human face when they moved
did so in jerks and spasms that caused onlookers to wince, to promise themselves
never again to take their singing voices for granted. When they arrive I see
what I had suspected from the beginning – little more than bones and viscera
painted on the inside of the lenses, but Eulalie straps them on after dinner
and wanders out into the street or wilderness and returns two days later in a
state akin to a trance but without the awkward shuffling and the monotone response
to questions naturally put to one in that state. Like “Where have you been?”
and “Why are there rose pedals on your socks and in your hair?” When I wake in
the middle of the night she is looking at me with the glasses affixed, head
tilted, mouth agape and when I press her for what she sees, what deep blank
part of me has revealed itself through the mechanism of the lenses, her horror
is such that she seems to have lost the power of speech altogether. After a
moment when I too am frozen in indecision or fear or something halfway between
them, I reach for her and we make love in a mechanical and unrewarding fashion,
and the next morning we wake to find small lizards hanging on the screens on
the windows and the back door, two or three dozen of them by my count twitching
and working their throats spastically up and down in the direct sunlight.
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