An ice giant
finds its visage under the noisy blade of a chain saw, its creator meticulous
and clothed only in burlap and cured hides. Spectators arrive, some of them by
bus, but mostly on foot on unseen trails through the forest thick on either
side of the highway here like insulation. Their eyes are wide and their faces
drawn, the wind whipping through them like rumors, and the Styrofoam containers,
crushed and angular, tumble past their feet in threes and fours. All along the
highway I kick the cairns over when I find them, scatter the bits and pieces
with the toe of my boot. Vengeance, I’m sure, for something I can’t remember,
an insult delivered via pigeon, a deep recess in the center of my person filled
almost entirely now by shadows and bone spurs, by the physical remnants of whoever
else I was supposed to be. Later, at taverns with names lifted wholesale from
some earlier century and some other continent, I’ll explain it with my finger
cocked sideways, nearly dislocated, and the froth on my lips redoubling itself every
tenth syllable as if it had been given directives. As if it were the portion of
the soul that insists on visibility despite a very long tradition to the
contrary. I recall a time when everyone was attempting to compose an epic with
giants at the center, when they compared notes and studied at the trade school
library which was the best in the vicinity then and allowed you to smoke inside
provided you kept your distance from those who registered their displeasure with an
audible clearing of the throat or a glance cast in your direction so full of menace
there could be no mistaking it. There was a great deal of debate then
concerning how much pride was too much pride as represented in these figures
with their molars like mahogany tables and their eyes squinted shut, and there
was a great deal of debate concerning what was the best way to depict all this
without succumbing yourself to the vice in question. Immanuel was lucid then, a
man with a nose like a rivet and a deep and abiding love for the female form in
all its manifestations -- even the stone columns at the edge of town referred
to as the sisters and featured in more than one young adult novel of the time
in which someone disappears and then reappears again but is not the same
person. We would scale the sisters come midnight, Immanuel reciting verses of
his own invention or those of Auden having to do with the impenetrability of
time. I’ve looked for them since, tried to unearth them so as to bring him back
with their recitation, at least for a moment, to make him hear and acknowledge
them (and me) from the other side, but I can’t find them. Perhaps they were
never by Auden in the first place, or Stevens or Ahkmatova in translation.
Maybe they were bits and fragments of a recipe he was trying to memorize for
reasons of his own or directions to the post office the next town over and his
saying them out loud settled in my head as verse simply because everything then
was verse, because the world itself had yet to solidify, and it still hasn’t;
it still squirms around beneath my feet like nominative accusatives or squid.
No comments:
Post a Comment