From deep in those backwaters,
those dark cypress eddies, rumors emerge regularly concerning birds that have
no business being there, that were last seen in grainy newsreel footage from
the 30’s and that hold within them a slightly bilious promise we have yet to
completely articulate. Something of amorphous shape in the breast where
otherwise nothing whatsoever would be – blank space, silence, a turn like that in
the proper sonnets. The memory holds nothing particular of his face, no
discerning marks in the brow or eye color, something to match up with the
present when we come in contact but that fish scale patch visible now for the
first time in years, as good as a signature and sudden root cause of my stalking
him at a distance from whatever bodega or Macy’s I first spot him in. This part
of town moves with a semi-reptilian shudder, the streets pocked occasionally
day and night with people possessed of glassy stares and a penchant for calling
out to unseen compatriots ostensibly walking a block or two ahead or behind
them, as if they are forever just out of reach of that happiness that comes of
being part of a loosely defined social entity, though an integral part at that,
the one who delivers whatever cohesion exists through his use of secret knowledge and
ritual, through spells cast with words few others in the group are familiar
with unless they too have been studying Latin grammar and the archaic shamans
of the arctic. The sharpshooters and amateur scholars with a missing incisor or
two. I should feel a sense of dread here, a pain drudged up of conscience like
that which robs the soul of breath just when it is about to reach the far shore
and set up house in neighborhoods overrun with Canadian geese, but the rage is
too great and ancient, something that, when it emerges, does so in colossal fashion,
with a shuddering of the earth and boulders flung skyward at the same time the rain
comes down in impenetrable walls and the wind carries on it beasts stunned into
immobility, antler and horn. Beasts otherwise relegated to the firm terra of
forest where they are spoken of in whispers when they are spoken of at all. We
know there are moments when the past intrudes upon the present in forms only
the present can recognize, in careful disguise in other words so that it will
be admitted. And we celebrate this stealthy admission with lengthy toasts and a
dancing with abandon, with a promiscuous ladling out of the previously
carefully contained self, all the while knowing that the consequences will likely
be the same as those when any other intruder is allowed to make its way beneath
the skin. The list is too long to repeat here in its entirety, but suffice it
to say it includes debilitating fevers and an overwhelming desire to melt away
into darkness, into a kind of annihilation, or conversely (should one be
oriented, for whatever reason, outward, away from the vital, if not altogether glorious,
center), to lash out with heavy implements honed at their edges by innumerable hours
of sanding to a fine, dispassionate glint.
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